Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
