if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
