i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
