I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I lost the right to judge tonight
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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