So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
