Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
