never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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