Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
