you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
