remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
