the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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