My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
