Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
