He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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