How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
