Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
