my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
