Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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