I'm so fucking centered right now
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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