I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
