Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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