you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
