WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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