The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
