I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
