If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Blood and glitter go together right?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
