She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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