That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
MIDGETS
????
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Randomize
