Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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