You're my little dorito
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
