Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
