Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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