dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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