I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
