thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
