Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
