I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
