it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
love makes seman taste better
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You left your phone here
Wait...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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