So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
