we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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