Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
