Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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