ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
