i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
