Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
