Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
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