My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
