what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
