FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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