Moan for me like Helen Keller
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
