true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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