i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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