Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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