I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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