ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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