why im i the only drunk person in the library?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
