I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
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