I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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