Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
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