She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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