I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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