Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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